Week 4 Writing Assignment: Putting all Tricks Together!

Reverso

Week 4 writing assignment was about collecting all the parts of speech that we learned throughout the 3 past weeks and using them to construct a paragraph of 9-12 sentences describing a scene in nature. It was not an easy job to do. Really, it took a lot of time drafting, redrafting, revising and editing. The last step was to put aside this paragraph for a while and then read it again to catch mistakes. I also used the Reverso Speller and Grammar Checker to double check the final draft.

Drawing from your observation notes and sentences from Journal Writing Assignments 1 and 2 describe a natural object or scene in nature. Use at least one each of the clauses and phrases you studied in the unit. Also, be sure that you include one each of the four sentence types in your description. Using your knowledge from Unit 3, use action verbs and active voice, keep your verbs in the same tense, and maintain correct subject-verb agreement. Your description should consist of 9-12 sentences.

Week 4 Writing Assignment Rubric:

Here is my Assignment:

natural scene image (7)

Retrieved June 8, 2013 from here

Leaning on the trunk of an old fallen tree in my grandmother’s lifeless garden, my eyes quickly went into a deep slumber after a long day of work. I woke up to the lovely sounds of birds singing and spinning over my head. Rubbing my sleepy eyes, I saw an incredibly charming scene with no human touch: crystal sea water, bright blue sky, colorful birds and a large grassy meadow all around. The waves lapped the seashore gently sending a cool breeze towards me to smell. I kept breathing deeply filling my lungs before it blew away with the wind. Looking around, I found them, blushing red flowers proudly stood, and gently swayed to the sea song. If I were a bee, I would spend the whole day buzzing around, just smelling their sweet fragrance, heavy in the air. The first rays of the sun, which were so white, slowly shone down upon the crystal-clear sea water creating a breathtaking landscape with delightful colors of the rainbow. Two dolphins graciously jumped out of the water making a big splash to say hello and celebrate my arrival. My eyes deeply closed, I tried to lustily hug this magnificent scene, when my 80-year-old grandma’s croaky deep voice sent me back to where I was on the other side of the sight. Although it lasted a few moments, this dream stuck in my mind simply because it carried unforgettable memories in my life.

Analysis of the Assignment:

  1. Number of sentences: 11
  2. Adjective Clauses: which were so white; where I was.
  3. Adverb Clauses: If I were a bee, I would spend the whole day buzzing around, just smelling their sweet fragrance, heavy in the air; I kept breathing deeply filling my lungs before it blew away with the wind.
  4. Noun Phrases: over my head; with the wind; upon the crystal-clear sea water; on the other side of the sight (prepositional phrases), my eyes deeply closed (Absolute phrase).
  5. Verb Phrases: Leaning on the trunk of an old fallen tree in my grandmother’s lifeless garden; Rubbing my sleepy eyes (Adverbial present participle phrases), to say hello (Infinitive phrase)
  6. Active verbs: leaning on, went into, singing, spinning, rubbing, saw, lapped, sending, smell, kept, blew away, looking around, found, stood, swayed, spend, buzzing, smelling, shone down, creating, say, jumped out, closed, tried, hug, and sent back.
  7. Consistent tense: Simple past tense
  8. Types of sentences: I woke up to the lovely sounds of birds; I saw an incredibly charming scene with no human touch (Simple sentences), blushing red flowers proudly stood, and gently swayed to the sea song (Compound sentence), If I were a bee, I would spend the whole day buzzing around, just smelling their sweet fragrance, heavy in the air; I kept breathing deeply filling my lungs before it blew away with the wind (Complex sentences), Although it lasted a few moments, this dream stuck in my mind simply because it carried unforgettable memories in my life (compound-complex sentence).

Reflections:

To complete this assignment, it required me to deeply dig into my vocabulary in order to find suitable and proper words to describe the set scene. As I said before one of my poor points is the lack of a rich vocabulary base that enables me to find what I want easily to express my ideas more smoothly.  Although I spent much time doing it, I was not satisfied with the final product. This surprising week helped me a lot to identify the reason. Discussing the main question about writing styles with my peers in the forums, I found that I have a Teacher (i.e., expository) and Activist (i.e., persuasive) writing styles. Actually, I’m good at writing explanations for others. I also love to start arguments and try to persuade others with my ideas. This explains why my descriptive and narrative writings are not creative and rich. I feel so relieved now! However, this doesn’t mean I can’t write descriptions or stories. I only need to learn and practice more to improve these potential abilities.

I hope to be on the right track!

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8 thoughts on “Week 4 Writing Assignment: Putting all Tricks Together!

  1. Hi, Azhar.
    Very well done! Your description is so vivid, so subtle that as if I were there. Really a great job. Congraduations!————Xia

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  2. Great writing I like your style. You should, however, look at your tenses; e.g. the sentence that begins with Scrubbed…. should be Scrubbing, Other than that your writing is clear and very descriptive. Hope you have time to fix it before you submit. BTW wanted to drop you a link you might like http://www.zahrasparadise.com/

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    • Hi Anthony,
      Thanks so much for your correction. One of the things that I wanted to see in this course is to find a person to review my work before the submission. I need another eye that can catch the mistakes. Unfortunately, this was the last assignment. I appreciate your time reading and reviewing it.

      For the link you sent, it is awesome. I love cartoon stories. However, creating them takes a lot of time and efforts. I discovered a website two years ago that can help you to build your comics so easily in some steps. Here is the link if you are interested http://www.bitstrips.com/create/comic/.

      Thanks so much for sharing and responding to my posts.
      All the best!

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  3. Dear Azhar, how lovely, you are from Egypt. I worked for the Egyptian Ambassador in the Netherlands for a couple of years and loved the country! I hope that all is well and life is not too harsh. I really liked your descriptive scene of week 4, but as you say you need to dig into the vocabulary. For example: “Scrubbing my sleepy eyes”, should be “Rubbing my sleepy eyes” or “If I were a bee, I would spend the whole day smelling their sweet fragrance everywhere spread.” I would say: “If I were a bee, I would spend the whole day buzzing around, just smelling the sweet fragrance that they spread everywhere” …. or “… their sweet fragrance, heavy in the air”. Just a couple of remarks.

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    • Dear Akke,
      Thanks so much for your great feedback. Your suggestions are invaluable. I loved them so much and added them to my text. One of the techniques that I wanted to see in the course is to assign 5 peers to review my assignment carefully and seriously, then work on the assignment again putting in mind these pieces of feedback. The last step would be sharing the assignments in one place to be available to all.

      Thanks again, my dear!

      Like

  4. Pingback: WANT, but I have NOT | Azhar's Reflections

  5. Pingback: WANT, but I have NOT | My e-dventures of Writing

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