Another Dream!

SELRES_8b43e534It  It is my first memoir.

Memoir is simply a personal story in which one writes about events that took place in his or her life. It is not just show, but tell as well that means describing and reflecting on these moments.

Kindly read my memoir and think about what I can do to make it better. Your ideas and suggestions are much appreciated and welcomed.

Another Dream

At eighteen, I suddenly found myself in a place where I never dreamed to go. It was so hard. This was one of those moments when there were no words I could say to express how I felt and what I thought.

Even my poor mind couldn’t stand to listen to the sound of my heart groaning loud. I turned my wandering eyes to the dark sky, high up to the empty heaven, searching for answers to my endless whys. The salty, hot tears running down my pale cheeks filled my throat with bitterness, sorrow, and despair. A long silence was all I heard. With closed eyes, I saw myself; the little girl of six wore her brother’s long-sleeve white shirt playing doctor and patient. “What seems to be the problem?” she seriously asked him, checking his chest with a big smile.

All my goals and hopes to be an angel taking care of people in deep pain slowly melted away like an ice cube in a glass of water. I wondered, “If I wrote them using my dad’s bold black-ink pen instead of that yellow pencil with weak gray lines, it would never be an empty dream with no date. To avoid their looks full of pity and sympathy which I saw in their half-closed glowering eyes, I slept more that day than I had any other day. It was just a strong desire to see what I wanted to be before it became a memory in my past.

In my first day at college of education, I aimlessly walked to where they told me to go, dragging my lazy legs behind. I stood like a palm tree in the doorway of the class and for a moment my mind travelled away, sending a message to my lips to draw an enigmatic smile like Mona Lisa’s all over my tired face. I went back in time when I was only six and remembered the little girl, jumping up the stairs to see her dad teaching the kids in the 6th grade. “Does the history repeat itself?” I asked myself. A shout close to me suddenly ended this sweet daydream. I turned back, trying to wipe some tears away. It was a tall thin girl with wide cheekbones holding a chair in one of her huge hands and hugging a pile of books with the other. “Go in or get out of the way,” she demanded rudely, squeezing herself past me swiftly without permission.

“Your new adventure has just started, ” I whispered to myself, and took a deep breath.

Sometimes, life takes you on a different path that you have never planned for. You cannot refuse or judge these decisions. You cannot even say “No”. Time is all you need to get the chaos out of your mind; to dig deep inside and figure out what is inside you that you do not know is there. These harsh moments bring something you own to the surface, announcing the birth of a new human.

Four years flew by and my mind was still burning with fear and worry. “What if I can’t make you proud of me?” I asked him, looking into his deep, dark eyes to find a glimpse of hope to guide me along, along the way. I felt his large, warm hand taking mine like an old blanket on a cold winter night and quietly said, “I believe in you.” Then, he gently touched my shoulder, smiled and started telling his lovely stories about history and old times. His deep, calm voice sounded like a music to my ear going up and down, louder and softer. He was so special. Oh! Dad. Even when he was no more, he was all around with me smelling his sweet fragrance, heavy in the air.

Pulling out my small notebook and my yellow sharp pencil, I bravely wrote it: another dream. This time it was my own dream, not my dad’s. I promised myself to enjoy it to the fullest, and never look back. At last, I came to the end of the chapter. The happiest moment was not to get my Master’s degree, and then to earn my Doctorate, which took ten years of my life, but the way to reach my dream and make it happen. It was the first decision I ever made on my own, and the most difficult. I constantly told myself, “I can do it!” And I did it.

When you do not find the way to what you want, create your own way. It is your journey. Take your time to grumble, complain, and cry but quickly rise and fight. It is you who can do it because you are the only person in the whole world who knows exactly where you want to go. You have the choice. Will you live in the past for the rest of your life? Or will you chase another dream?

* * *

I couldn’t have completed this work without the generous help and support of many:

Dr. Emily Wender
Assistant Professor of English
Indiana University of Pennsylvania
ENGL 324 W01 course

Jessica & Courtnee
Peer Feedback Colleagues
ENGL 324 W01 course at IUP

Rachel Schiera
Curriculum and Instruction Program
Department of Professional Studies in Education
Indiana University of Pennsylvania

My friends
Achama Isaac
Oliver Stephen Kimathi
Mariel GomezdelaTorre

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Happy reading!